Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Nothing doing.

So then guys after my big plans for this years modelling posted up for all to see in Jan I have so far failed to finish anything.

A few reasons for this, I'm lazy plus family life take first spot for all my free time.

I'm not one to share personal stuff but hey I've felt like screaming this out loud for the longest time, I just need to get this down somewhere, Get it off my chest, sorry.

My mum died this year in February, I knew it was coming because we were told Nov last year that she had about six months left, well she lasted three.
I've had a strange relationship with my mum over the last 43yrs some her fault and some mine, As I've got older and come to my senses I've realized not everyone is cut out to be a parent especially when your a single parent with mental illness like my mum was, I loved my mum and still do and are at a loss to understand why this is still killing me inside so much as it did the day she died, I think about her all the time and miss her so much.

Every day I put a face on and get on with life, It's been just over two months now and I'm sure things will get easier, My three boys have been a great distraction with the oldest being a rock through it all.

Yeah this is all life stuff and it happens but this is my life and its happening right now, To think I'm now the head of the family, all be it a small one, makes me laugh, You would too if you knew me.

Rest in peace Mum X.

11 comments:

  1. Rest easy Jamie's Mum. Jamie, perfectly normal feelings and get it off your chest, I lost my Father when I was a teen and I still think of him in the quiet times, I think he would have approved of this hobby, he liked buying me Lego. At least you had time to say goodbye and prepare the children, that's good. Hobby again when your mojo returns fella, we'll be here to read it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Siph and thankyou for the little message for my mum, Means alot.

      Sorry you lost your dad so early, you still think of all the good times with him and i think thats great, I do too with my Mum things pop into my mind that i havn't thought of for years, I'm sure he would approve of your hobby, I still play with Lego but i have two at 6 and 8 yrs so I'm getting away with it ;)

      Delete
  2. My condolences and positive vibes from Middle Earth New Zealand, here's to keeping rampaging kids in line, remembering fiercely and the future. :) - your 'Sothan brother', Sebastian.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hmm, google account doesn't show my site: www.the-scythes.com.

      Delete
    2. Thankyou for your kind words Sebastian.

      Scythes Rock!! I shall be back one day.

      Delete
  3. Sorry to hear mate, you have my empathy and best of wishes to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers Poops, Its really painfully but its early days for me i think, Thankyou for your kind words.

      Delete
  4. You are right to get this out Jamie. When my Dad was killed sharing my thoughts and feelings at the time on my blog really helped. It also gave an opportunity for my brother to see how I felt, easier for me to open up on 'paper' than face to face.

    The solace you have now is the support of your family and with your son stepping up that will only make your relationship stronger.

    My condolences, things do get better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou Dave, I'm sorry to hear that your Dad was killed, That sounds so bad, I cant imagine what that did to you Dave ...dont know what to say mate, Im so sorry.

      It is easier to jot things down, you know your thoughts, To be honest I find it hard to talk to people at the best of times nevermind about my mum and whats happened, I'm glad you where able get things off your chest with your brother about your Dad.

      Liam my oldest son is such a man at twenty so much more than i ever was at that age I'm very proud of him, I think it is stronger, your right.

      I think things will get better its just sometimes i think if i just had a few more days with her, We could talk and sort things out you know.

      Thanks Dave.

      Delete
    2. I know what you mean, I think for the most part hobbyists/gamers are an awkward bunch it's one of the reasons I need to blog because I know my own voice and it's much easier to share in written form. It's actually quite difficult when someone comes up and talks to you about it, well it's awkward and then it's not, but I digress.

      I realised I may never have quite had the relationship with my Dad as I could have had but situations got in the way prior to his death that made things not always simple. That's not to say we didn't get on, we did I just know it could have been better. It was what it was and I've come to terms with it 4 years on. funnily enough I see more of him in myself in the mirror as I get older which is both heart warming and sad at the same time.

      I also seem to be repeating some of the mistakes he made with me, with my own youngest [11] but as your situation proves they grow up, become men in their own right and your relationship can change. I know I'm experiencing a new level of respect from my 15 year old.

      I can only wish you all the best.

      Delete
    3. Thankyou Dave and to you mate.

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...